Grab Happiness Where You Can
by MrsBlythe
Summary: Will Anne and Gilbert ever be free to love...


"It's so good to be home again, Marilla." Anne looked around the Green Gables kitchen and smiled. "It looks like nothing has changed, but...everything feel's different."

"It's not us that have changed, Anne _Shirley_! It's been over a year since your last visit." Marilla said.

Anne glared at Marilla. Still she insisted in calling her Anne Shirley, even though she had been married for a year.

"Oh you can look all you want, it's the truth. What could have kept you away for as long? As if I couldn't guess!"

"You've never liked Roy, have you Marilla?"

"I don't dislike the man. How could I, it's not as if I see him much. Where is he now?"

"He has business in Charlottestown. He's coming by in a couple of days and then we're leaving together...don't spoil my visit with bad feeling Marilla. This could be my last visit for a while..." Anne tailed off when she saw the look of distress on Marilla's face. She rushed over and hugged her.

"I'm sorry Marilla.." Anne whispered.

"Me too." Marilla said gruffly. "When are you going?"

"In a couple of weeks. New York, Marilla...it feel's like a dream."

"It'll be reality soon enough." Marilla returned to her practical self. "We'll have to make the most of this time together, who knows when we'll be with each other again...I'm not a young woman Anne."

Anne knew what Marilla was thinking for she was thinking the same...would they ever see each other again? Anne had not been a party to this decision to move to New York, if she had been consulted her answer would have been a firm 'no'. However Roy had decided, and as his wife she had no choice but to go with him.

* * *

Anne and Marilla spent the evening reminising; how Anne dyed her hair green, the time she broke her ankle, forgot to put flour in the cake and whilst daydreaming forgot to cover the pudding sauce, letting a mouse drown in it and almost serving it to Miss Stacey. They howled over her escapades until tears were streaming down their faces.

"Oh, how I miss you Anne." Marilla said, wiping her eyes.

"I miss you too...and Avonlea. Tell me the news Marilla, what's happened since I've been away?"

"Well, Diana's had a little girl - Anne Cordelia, she's called."

"Oh yes, Diana wrote to me...I must go and see them tomorrow!"

"Josie Pye and Moody Spurgeon are to be married..."

"Really? I didn't see that one coming!" Anne said, engrosed in the Avonlea going ons.

"And Gilbert Blythe is home, a fully qualified doctor..." Marilla watched Anne's face closely to gauge her reaction. Her expression didn't change but her eyes darkened with pain, something only someone very close to Anne could see and understand. "...he'll be good enough for any woman now." Marilla finished somewhat cuttingly.

"He always was good enough." Anne said quietly, rising from her position on the veranda. "Look how bright the moon shine's tonight Marilla." She said in an attempt to move the conversation away from the one subject she could never discuss with anyone. "I think I'll go for a walk...do you mind?"

"No, I'm off to bed anyway. Take a shawl Anne, the dew will be heavy tonight." Anne took the profered item and kissed Marilla on the cheek. "Goodnight Anne. I'll see you in the morning, don't stay out too late."

Anne stood as Marilla made her way indoors. The news about Gilbert had shook her. She had tried to forget him since convocation three years ago. He hadn't turned up to the ball, she hadn't had a chance to thank him for the 'Lily's of the Valley' he had sent, she hadn't congratulated him on his engagement, or told him about her's...she never got the chance to tell him she...was sorry.

* * *

She walked around her old haunts marvelling at how beautiful they were illuminated in the moonlight. As she crossed the bridge on the Lake of Shining Waters, she stopped to admire the reflection of the moon in the water. She remembered how Gilbert had 'rescued' her all those year's ago...she wished she could go back to that time and see what had been in front of her eyes all the time, for no one could rescue her now. Trapped in marriage, forced to do things she didn't want to, not allowed to do the thing's she did want to, constantly critisised and made to feel inferior, as unloved and unwanted as she had been before coming to Green Gables. She moved on towards the last destination on her tour, Matthew's grave. Quietly she told him of her problems, the mistakes she had made. Saying it aloud helped, made her feel less alone, but this was something she couldn't discuss with Marilla, or anyone else who could respond. Matthew would keep her secrets.

The walk home would take her past the Blythe's homeplace. Luckily it was in darkness. All the occupants must be in bed. It was well past midnight.

"Hello Anne."

Anne jumped at the voice from the garden, clutching at her chest.

"G - Gilbert!" she croaked.

"I heard you were back."

Anne looked at him wordlessly. He had grown older, lines were forming around his eyes - laughter lines, except Gilbert didn't look like he'd been laughing much recently. He looked troubled.

"I believe congratulation are in order." She said eventually. "You're a doctor...all your dreams fulfilled."

"Not _all_ of them." Gilbert didn't take his eyes off her. She flushed under his gaze.

"Yes, well...sometimes dreams can become nightmares." she said cryptically.

Somehow he had inched closer to her unnoticed, now he was close enough to touch her. He took her hand in his, sending electric shocks through her body.

"Why did you marry him Anne?" Gilbert asked.

"I thought I loved him...I thought _you_ loved Christine."

"What made you think that? Did I ever give any indication that I loved anyone but you?"

"Convocation...you didn't come to the ball..."

"I couldn't bear to see you with him."

"They told me you and Christine had got engaged..."

Gilbert was shaking his head. "So you accepted Roy's proposal?"

Anne nodded. "I thought there was no hope for us...I didn't want to end up alone."

"I waited Anne. I wrote to you. You still got married."

"What letters? I never received any..."

"I begged you, Anne not to marry him. I told you I loved you. Ask Marilla...I gave them to her to pass on."

"I never..." Anne couldn't continue. Gilbert loved her. If only she'd got those letters - what happened to them?

"D - do you still love me Gil?" she asked bravely.

Gilbert nodded.

"I love you too." Anne was sure that the line between bravery and foolishness had been crossed - why torment herself even more?

Gilbert dropped the hand he had been holding, turning her to face him he lowered his head and kissed her softly. Anne melted against him, transported back to a time when she was happy...when she was free.

"If only you'd kissed me before you proposed...I would have known." she whispered into his chest.

"Stay with me."

"I - I can't."

He kissed her again. "Please."

Anne allowed him to take her hand and lead her into the house.

"Where are your parents?" she asked, looking around the unchanged kitchen.

"Visiting relatives in Carmody. Staying over."

"S - so w - we're alone?"

"No...we're finally together." In two purposeful strides Gilbert closed the distance between them and swept Anne up into his arms.

* * *

The dawn sunlight streamed in through the window wakening Anne with it's bright beam. Yawning she stretched out feeling happier than she had done in a long time. She felt safe, secure and loved...she ran her fingertips lightly over the strong arms that held her tightly. This wasn't Roy! He hadn't slept beside her since their wedding night...he came for 'visits' but never stayed, never held her. Blinking, she gingerly turned her head...Gilbert! Wave after wave of guilt and regret washed over her. This is what she could have had...

"Morning." Gilbert smiled at her. "Are you leaving?" His smile left him as he realised she was getting up.

"I have to get home before Marilla wakens, she'll wonder where I've been." Anne lent over and kissed Gilbert's lips. "I'll probably not see you before I go..."

"Don't leave me Anne, I've only just got you back." he pleaded.

"I'm sorry Gil. What can I do? I'm married."

Gilbert reached down and twisted the wedding band on Anne's finger. He slipped it off. "We'll go Anne. Together. Far away where no one knows us. Start over, just the two of us."

For a moment Anne was tempted, but she couldn't say yes.

"I won't let you throw your life away Gil."

"What life have I without you?"

"You'll love again Gil. Forget me. I've made my bed - I'll have to lie in it, so to speak." Anne flushed again as she took the gold band from him and thrust it forcefully back onto her finger. "Thank you..." she added.

"What for?" he asked bitterly.

"For showing me what love is." Anne kissed him again and left, silent tears, matching his, trickling down her cheeks.

Gilbert lay back on his bed wondering what to do. He had heard every word Anne had told Matthew at the graveside. He wanted to kill Roy Gardiner for making her so miserable, but unable to do that, and with her refusing to leave him what could he do? Nothing. Soon she would be in New York and he would be in Glen St Mary taking over his uncle's medical practice. Damn Anne and her sense of duty!

* * *

"You were out early." Marilla remarked, setting the eggs down.

"I - I went to Matthew's grave." Anne lowered her head, afraid her face would betray her.

"Hmm." Marilla said knowingly noting Anne's unchanged clothing. "Did you meet anyone on your travels?"

Anne choked down a mouthful of food. "I saw Gilbert." She stood up abruptly pushing her chair down in the process. "I'm sorry Marilla. I am going to see Diana. I haven't much time before Roy arrives."

Marilla touched Anne's arm understandingly. Anne gave her a sad smile in return.

* * *

"Diana, she is perfect!" Anne gushed, nursing Anne Cordelia on her knee.

"I know," Diana said proudly, "and she's such a good baby. Sleeps through the night already."

"You're so lucky." Anne said, enviously watching Fred tenderly kiss his wife.

"Do you and Roy not want children Anne?" Fred asked. "You've been married over a year now."

"Oh, if it happens, it happens." Anne said lightly.

"I saw Gilbert this morning." Fred said to Diana. Anne concentrated on the baby trying not to listen.

"How is he? Did you ask him to call up?"

"He looks wretched." Fred remarked, "All that studying has nearly killed him. What he needs is a good woman!"

"Shut up Fred." Diana snapped noticing the colour drain from Anne's face. "Don't you have something to do?"

"Well I could fix the yard fence." Fred answered in bewilderment.

"Go and do it then!" Diana ordered.

She waited until he left then asked "Whatever is the matter Anne? I thought you were going to faint when Fred mentioned Gil."

"I spent last night with him." Anne whispered.

"What! You spent...what?" Diana spluttered.

"Don't Di. I feel awful."

"You feel awful? What did you do?"

Anne shot her a look interpreted as 'Don't be so stupid'.

"Really Anne? Really? How could you?"

"I couldn't help it...I love him." Anne started to cry.

"You LOVE him? If you _loved_ him Anne," Diana said witheringly, "you wouldn't have done this! Do you know how long it took Gilbert to get over you? No? We all watched you toy with his emotions for years, lead him on, give him hope. Even after you got engaged to Roy he pined for you, wrote letters begging you to reconsider...which you never even replied to! And then you go and do this...break him all over again! You dare to say you LOVE him? You're a married woman, for goodness sake!"

"I know!" Anne gulped.

"I never though I'd say this Anne, but the sooner you leave for New York, the better! Give that poor man a chance to find someone worthy of him."

Anne sat Anne Cordelia on her mother's knee and rushed off without saying goodbye. The annoyance and disappointment from Diana was almost too much to cope with. She had lost Diana's friendship, and probably Gilbert's love. She could never let Marilla find out what happened, to lose her too would be the last straw. She would be left with nobody.

* * *

Roy came and took her back to Kingsport the next day. Before she left she got Marilla alone and asked her about the letters Gilbert had given her to send. Marilla assured her she had forwarded them. There was only one explaination as to what had become of them. They had been intercepted...by Roy.

On the eve of their departure to New York a few weeks later, Anne plucked up the courage to ask Roy about the letters. He denied their existance at first, but under interogation gave in and admitted he'd read and destroyed them. Why? Anne had asked. He hadn't wanted her lo leave him. Why? Anne had asked, expecting him to say he loved her, but no, Roy's reply was 'he couldn't let Blythe win'. Anne stewed over this. Roy had ruined her life because he thought of her as some kind of prize...no Roy hadn't ruined her life, she'd done that all on her own.

Anne reopened the letter she had recieved that morning from Diana.

'_I am so sorry Anne_.' Diana wrote, _'for all the nasty uncalled for things I said to you before you left. I was out of order, something I have been told many times. A very wise man, a doctor, said to me that we should grab happiness with both hands if it should come to us, for even if that happiness is only fleeting, it will leave a lifetime of memories to dream of. So Anne, I'm glad now you tasted that happiness, I just hope that more of it will come to you._

_Forgive my harsh words,_

_Your friend forever, Diana'_

* * *

**Four Years later...**

"John, come on, leave Anne Cordelia alone." Anne gently scolded her infant son who was going through the stage of teasing his older playmate.

"Sorry mums." John said contritely, then proceeded to tease again once his mother's back was turned.

"He's so mischevious!" Anne complained to Diana, "He's coming out of one batch of trouble into another!"

"I can remember someone else like that!" Marilla laughed behind her. "Maybe this is payback for all the scrapes you got into!"

Anne and Diana giggled at the thought of this. It felt so good to laugh again, Anne thought. There was a stage where she thought she'd never smile again, never mind laugh. The past four years had been hell. Her relationship with Roy had dissolved completely once she found out she was expecting John. He never referred to her son by his name, only 'the child'. She and Roy were two strangers living together, barely speaking, but still he controlled her every move, reading her correspondance, dictating where she went, who with, how long for...and now she was free. It was six weeks since Roy had died...typhoid fever. Although Anne would never have wished Roy dead, she was glad he was no longer here.

She told the Gardiners she didn't want a penny of Roy's money - they would never have accepted John anyway, and moved back to Green Gables with Marilla. She had been apprehensive about this...soon it would be obvious what she'd done, but Marilla and Diana persuaded her. Whatever gossip came about they would deal with together. So Anne was here, happy once more, and able to surround her son with the love she had once thrived on.

"I'll see you at church tomorrow." Diana was saying.

"What? Oh I don't think.." Anne began.

"No arguments. You missed last week. You'll have to show your face sometime."

"But what about.." Anne nodded over at John.

"I'll keep him home with me." Marilla said. "My back is giving me a bit of gyp so I don't think I'll be up to going. But he'll have to go sometime too."

* * *

Anne sat in the pew beside Diana and her family. All the old familiar faces were here, Mr and Mrs Harrison, Mrs Harmon Andrews, the large contingent of Pye's, Josie and Moody, Charlie Sloane, Mr and Mrs Blythe...and Gilbert.

"I thought Gilbert was in Glen St Mary." she hissed in Diana's ear.

"So did I..." Diana said, then lent over and whispered somthing to Fred. Anne watched as Diana's face fell at Fred's reply. Then she noticed a woman sitting beside Gilbert. She had the most beautiful hair, it reminded Anne of 'Browning's cord', the woman was stunning, the prettiest thing Anne had seen, even more than Ruby Gillis or Christine Stuart.

"What did Fred say?" Anne asked.

"Tell you after." Diana mouthed.

Anne shook hands with many of her old friends, all of them expressing their condolences on the loss of her husband. Anne felt like a hypocrite accepting them, like a fraud for allowing people to think she was upset, when all she felt was relief.

"Anne." Gilbert came over took her hand in his. She felt the eyes of Avonlea on them. She noted that unlike the others he wasn't 'sorry for her loss'.

"Gilbert." Her voice wavered slightly, she willed the pricking tears to stay put.

"I'll talk to you later...alone." He whispered in her ear, then gently kissed her cheek. A stray tear ran down her face. She had so much to explain to him. A three year old explaination.

"What did Fred say to you in church?" Anne asked Diana on the ride home.

"He said...oh I don't want to tell you this...he said Gilbert was home for a visit with his fiancee!" Diana said hugging Anne. "I'm sorry."

"His fiancee...that beautiful woman?" Anne was desolate. It was over now...she could never compete with that woman.

Anne and Diana were picking apples for Marilla in the orchard while John, Fred and Anne Cordelia played around them. Anne heard the whistling first, then saw Gilbert approach.

"Good morning, ladies." He said, tipping his hat at them.

"Gilbert." Diana acknowledged with a smile. "I take it it's not me you have come to see?" she added cheekily.

"It's always a pleasure to see you Diana, but maybe Anne would consent in taking a stroll over the bridge with me."

'Don't leave me' Anne's eyes pleaded to Diana, but Mrs Wright just smirked back at her. "I'm finished here," she said pointing at her overflowing basket, "I'll take the children in for tea."

"Anne." Gilbert said, offering his arm, which Anne reluctantly accepted, walking in the direction of the 'Lake of Shining Waters' with him.

"I believe con..." Anne started to say, trying to fill the silence.

"Don't you dare congratulate me." Gilbert snarled. "Still you avoid me. Why not let me know what happened with Roy?"

Anne said nothing.

"What age is your boy - John is it?"

"Yes, John. He's just past three year old." Anne answered.

Gilbert did mental calculations in his head. "So you went from me to him?"

"NO!" Anne protested. "I was never...intimate...with Roy after you. I couldn't."

"Then you were...when we?" Gilbert asked.

Anne shook her head.

"So if you weren't expecting then, and you...didn't after, then how...?" Gilbert asked confused.

"You're the doctor Gilbert. Work it out!" Anne snapped, releasing his arm, turning and storming off in the direction of Green Gables.

Gilbert stood, his mind swirling. "Wait Anne!" he called, "do you mean..."

Anne nodded over her shoulder, rusing back. At the gate Gilbert caught up with her.

"Why didn't you tell me Anne?"

"Mummy!" John shouted, running down the path. Anne scooped him up into her arms. "Mummy, auntie Marilla says I have to meet a friend of yours...are you mummy's friend?" he asked Gilbert, who was standing mesmerised.

"Um...yes, in a way. What's your name?" He asked the small bundle of energy writhing about in Anne's arms.

"John. Take me." He ordered holding out his arms to Gilbert. Gilbert took him from Anne. This child was his miniture, if you overlooked the ruddy hair inherited from his mother, this was very much Gilbert's child. Twinkling hazel eyes full of mischeviousness, perfect nose and kissable mouth, ears flat against the head, an expression of practicality on his face...anybody who saw the two together would be in no doubt what his parentage was.

"What you called?" John demanded of Gilbert.

"Gilbert. I'm a doctor." Gilbert answered.

"My daddy was sick. He needed a doctor." John announced. "Don't make him better." He whispered in Gilbert's ear.

"I won't." Gilbert whispered back.

"I like you." John said. "Will you play with me?"

"In a minute John." Anne said, amazed at the immediate connection between father and son.

"He's wonderful Anne...a credit to you."

"Thank you." Anne said humbly.

"Why John?"

"Gilbert would have been too obvious." Anne smiled. "So I named him after your father."

Gilbert rushed forward and hugged Anne tightly, unmanly tears forming.

"You don't have to mention him to your fiancee...I won't tell anyone."

"Leslie is not my..."

"Don't lose her on account of this!" Anne said hastily.

"I won't." Gilbert said dryly. "Listen Anne, and don't interrupt...Leslie is not my fiancee...I don't know how that rumour started. She is the wife of a patient who turned out not to be her husband. I brought here for a break. Avonlea is a good place to heal. Long story, but Anne..."

Anne met his gaze, already she was melting under it.

"...marry me, and we'll have forever to tell stories."

"I won't make the same mistake again, yes, I'll marry you!"

Gilbert kissed her, softly, gently, tenderly, passionately...

"About time." Marilla said to Diana from their viewing point at the kitchen window.

"It was bound to happen sometime. We just had to get the timing right." Diana answered, satisfied. "No! John, don't pull Anne Cordelia's hair!"

Marilla chuckled loudly, "Like father, like son!"


End file.
